If only I could make music notes into words.

I can use words.

My fingers are not adapted to music.

They don’t realize he’s alive

No one understands

This is my home.

I’m coming home.

Am I home?

My heart is in my chest, but

In a different way than it normally is.

It is heavy,

I am heavy-hearted.

I am sad.

I realize that what I’m writing is not bestseller material.

At all.

Oh well.

I’ll keep writing anyway.

Maybe something will come of it

Who knows.

I am tired.

I am hungry.

Such mindless, useless details

But maybe someone will pay for this

Somewhere down the line.

Is that what I am now?

Scratching for money, seeking cash

When I don’t really need it?

What do I want money for?

Security?

That means nothing.

Savings?

I suppose.

Later on.

Paragraphs, paragraphs, paragraphs.

Not every sentence is a paragraph, children,

But some paragraphs are sentences.

Aïe.

I’m all shivery.

I miss you.

Yes, you, no, not you – you.

You know who I’m talking about.

The one I want to be with forever and ever.

You are always here, You know that.

You aren’t always here.

I love capital letters.

You can’t tell who I’m talking about, can you.

No, you can’t.

I know.

I know what I’m saying,

Which is a relief,

Because sometimes I really don’t.

Sometimes I really have no idea of what I’m saying

Or what I mean

Or what I want

Or what I need

Or anything like that.

No trust, no certainty

Damned if I do

Damned if I don’t

So do I just try?

But there is no try.

I do what I don’t want to do

And I don’t do what I want to do

But that isn’t always the case.

Why is life full of whys and buts?

There is not nearly enough bass on this laptop.

It’s painful listening to U2 with no bass.

No foundation.

I have a foundation, a base –

I also have a bass. Hee.

They’re not the same person at all,

Which is a good thing in the end.

But oh, I am lonely,

And I am cold,

And you are not here,

But You are.

I’m rambling.

You can probably tell.

There are three yous in this musing –

You, you and you.

Do you know who you are?

Do you know who I am?

Goodbye – you can keep this suit of lights

I’ll be up with the sun

I’m not coming down

I’m not coming down

I’m not coming down

‘Cause I’m already gone

Felt that way all along

Lyrics to Major Tom (Coming Home) are (c) Shiny Toy Guns. Lyrics to Gone are (c) U2.